Tim Barrus Blog
Posts tagged with adolescence
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Physics
At first, he could not sleep because the nightmares of the assault and rape were far too vivid. He wanted me to sit with him, and then, he would fall asleep. I read a series of books out loud, all of them on some pretty radical visions of what physics…
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The Drive to the HIV Clinic Far, Far Away
He usually falls asleep on the way there. I encourage this so I don’t have to listen to all the fear and paranoia. I have my own paranoia. “We’re here.” “I don’t want to go in there. Look, there are cops at the door.” There were cops at the door…
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When Tricks Go Bad
this is the place where the earth does not spin/ it freezes/ everything goes slow motion/ you know you’re going to have to run/ usually it’s about something the trick insists he wants to do/ it’s his money/ he calls the shots/ the lost days are done/ the bitterness is…
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Your Bride’s White Dress
white people do not think about hunger because they are rarely hungry and there you on the corner and the twisting it’s always worse in the rain and then you ache with sucking old white cock my summary of what is wrong with this picture the lips and teeth of…
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New York Times: On Queer Childhood
I mentor boys at-risk for HIV. Many of them do sex work. They don’t carry the baggage of typical adolescents. Their baggage is a lot more breath-taking. People see delinquency, the juvenile justice system, and detention. None of which work. That people do not understand homelessness, hunger, and hate, is…
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gives one pause
he drives you crazy but your job is to be there for him not when he isn’t driving you miss sugar nut but when he is often, the world they know has rearranged the furniture he cannot understand that the room he is so dead set against is the same…
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woodstock
some dark wood of terror/ my tongue inside your bitter hole ravenous and wasted beyond perilous attrition/ no one had been left alive/ we could roar the bike past all the parked cars lined up at the side of the road with their little radios and their little dancing on…
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MISHA, GO TO BED
Misha doesn’t sleep. We have that in common. I try my best to get stuff done when the house is quiet. Sleep for boys who have been raped and sexually exploited is a big bag of worms. Medical professionals in Public Health (which should be renamed Public Bullshit) never ask…
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i know who u r
i know your kindness i know/ your scars i have some of those 2/ i know where you’ve been/ i know the smell of your shit/ i know your guts, and/ i know/ when you are giving up i do not want you 2 give up but it’s not up…
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On Being Here
i have never wanted to be here because i am above it all all all all daddy tried beating it the fuck out of me and i was literally at-risk of being murdered. he bashed my head through walls and came after me with broken liquor bottles but i could…
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Video: Authenticity
Authenticity can be gritty, too. We reinforce children to be authentic. Unless they’re poor. Then, they just make us uncomfortable.
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Video: Cajun and Dylan Reunited
You didn’t know this at the time, but the reason Dylan didn’t show is because he’s in jail. Society frowns on twelve-year-olds selling weed to other twelve-year-olds. Doing this on school property is just stupid and you can’t fix stupid. Some people will want to know if I worry about…
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Tim Barrus: New York Times: Explaining Death
Explaining the reality of death to a child also means explaining disease. The subjects of stigma and confidentiality are relevant. AIDS is not over. That people still die is rarely in the news. Even doctors still list other direct causes of death which can tend to make counting numbers bogus.…
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sleeping on the floor
there is a cement brick embedded in my back we often sleep in empty rooms where we have slept before the sunlight slipping in like dust is an old story to the likes of us no furniture no computers just our phones no future no dreams no relief from sleeping…