Tim Barrus Blog
Posts tagged with survival
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He Threw Me Through a Window
He threw me through a window. I was a scrawny little kid. Fifty pounds. My whole body would shake when I came home from school. I knew he’d be around. With any luck, he’d be passed out on the floor. Or. He would grab me, strip me, and whip me.…
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The Normals Want U 2 Explain
Explain what. I suspect you might get better answers elsewhere. My eyes to the sky. “Explain this!” No.
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Tim Barrus: What is Consent
Minor children cannot consent because as minor children, they then become vulnerable, and they mainly do not comprehend what the consequences can be. This is where I usually come into it with my own experiences at being raped. I am really trying not to do that. It’s anecdotal. You cannot…
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TimBarrus: WhatIsSurvivalAnywayAnd WhereIsItIsItHopelessness
Even The Old House Had A Second Self
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sometimes you sell whatever you have to survive and you and I both know that it can always get deeper and deeper
Your bones away in there.
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THE BIKE TREMBLES BETWEEN MY LEGS
New York Times I am a Marxist for a reason. It has a center. It is just. It doesn’t care what you think because it’s not about Karl Marx. It is one thing to explain capitalism, religion, racism and poverty. It is another thing to explore moral vacuums, and corrupt…
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Tim Barrus, NYT
Tim Barrus, New York Times I worked in Special Education for years. With the “bad” kids. How bad were the Bad Boys. You don’t want to know. We had a category (for everything) called SED. Severely Emotionally Disturbed. In Special Ed, we threw a lot of words around. The language…
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Various Portraits
I shot myself. I was an adolescent. Subsequent problems are a nightmare. You cannot know the horror of it. Even if you think arrogantly, you can. Do not go down that dark rabbit hole. I was being sexually abused. The adult abusing me was the guy who gave me the…
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That Brief Moment of Terrified Truth
And there it is. Maybe, you have let this go on too long. You have definitely let this go on too long. This trick wants to fuck you in the ass. Maybe, you could run. Running has all kinds of problems as a plan. It is not a plan. You…
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Tim Barrus New York Times
The list of things I will not do is far longer than the list of things I will do. For one thing, I won’t get close enough to touch you. I jerk off. Wearing a mask. You watch. And, no, I will not let you touch me for more money.…
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Death Coin for the Boatman
Tim Barrus New York Times I work with adolescents who are medically fragile. Covid would kill them. Poverty is killing them, and not softly. Their family structures have broken down. There isn’t a single adult in the accumulated families of the group who has work. People are suffering and looking…
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Tim Barrus New York Times
What election. Any attempt to save our way of life assumes it’s worth living. At one time, it might have been. Heresy. I know. That time would not be this time. America does not work. How can there be trust in an election if there is no trust in fundamental…
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Tim Barrus New York Times
I home school my boys. Public school sees them as failures. This stigma covers them like sewage. It does not wash away. Here’s what my boys can do. Find kids lost in the mountain woods we live in. Train dogs. Train dogs to find kids lost in the mountain woods.…
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The Phantom Drooping Trees
I doubt that we will see the likes of this again for at least a few lifetimes. Generations of a thin exhaustion. I remember the river. I remember the smell of the river not unlike a slow light upon the ground held in check by rain. I remember watching kids…
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The Wolves Are at the Door
Tim Barrus: New York Times I deal with adolescent boys who live with HIV. Many have had upfront experience with the foster care system. Food was scarce on a good day. They dumpster dive. Snap itself was built around the fact that kids could get some food in school. There…
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The Walls of What Remains
Among the walls of what remains, there’s always writing. If I am totally alone, and out on the lake on a winter’s night, I will walk across the ice, and looking up, there it is, the past. I can see the past. The Coma clusters have come undone. I make…
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One Photographer
Nothing but this foolishness.
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On Being Abandoned
I have never met a kid doing sex work who was not sexually abused, or abandoned in some way, and, likely, both. It was bone fucking cold. Michigan in the winter. I begged my parents for at least a sweater. That was when they sat me down, I had no…
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And I am Here to Tell You
today, sunspots appeared when you go whizzing by tender in the shadows/ the horror of your existence will not die in a legion of soldierships where the seal you have tightened up so you might live between what souls have seen as their assignment beginning with how you died at…
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Open Letter to Patricia Cohen, Economist, New York Times
Your analysis of economic survival is just plain wrong. I am writing this from a hospital bed. This bed is a black hole of ruin. American economics is not unlike genocide. It kills with a particular focus. The inevitable confrontation found in the structures of self-created inequality invented by the…
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Car Thief
For Robb Nagle VIDEO: KEVIN WAS A CAR THIEF So. Exactly. Who. The. Fuck. Do. U. Think. I. Would. Know. Junkies. Drug Dealers. Card counters. (I love Card Counters because they screw around with casinos). Car thieves. Kevin was a car thief. “Wanna go for a ride.” I was always…
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Tim Barrus: New York Times
David Brooks’ recent piece on poverty piece is hopeful. Easy for him to say. There is no hope for it. Let us go to the fundamental souls of Americans. Let us not dwell on why we are who we are. We simply are. Americans are mean and mean-spirited. They like…
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Tim Barrus: The New York Times: Suicide
http://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/14/opinion/suicide-prevention.html?comments#permid=31069462 After they are dead, I will go into their rooms to smell them. As if to remind myself that each one is a separate individual. I put his pillow in my face and breathe him in deeply. I crawl naked into his bed. I finally sleep. The days after…
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WHEN DEATH IS BEST
I been voted to be the one who would write this about our little film WHEN DEATH IS BEST. I am not a writer. Writing sucks. I can barely spell. But I know stuff about HIV you do not know. HIV is a bitch to live with because you have…