The New York Times tells me that satire is inappropriate for the fucking New York Times. As if.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE MONOLITH

It is real life where you will find the real hilarity. 

Unless you are some stuffy, privileged, entitled, East Coast grand pooba with Spell Check software stuck up your editorial ass.

The monolith has disappeared, and, no, I am not referring to the New York Times. I am only referring to the New York Times a little bit.

I am not allowed to refer to the New York Times. Pity.

The monolith was made by Stanley Kramer, and the sculptor, Bette Davis. Transport was scheduled from the Whatever Happened to Baby Jane Sculpture Studios to Mar-a-Lago’s front lawn and Beer Garden, but the creators were quoted as saying: “As if.” It was eventually thrown into the Park and Recreation’s trash by a New Jersey art gallery: Ivanka’s Trucks.

Who else.

White House spokesperson, Phyllis Schlafly, denounced the notion from the Rose Garden podium that there was no one having a DC lunch who had any responsibility for eating anything whatsoever in this town again. Monoliths were the responsibility of Wilbur Ross and Elaine Chao. Who else.

Chemical structures of the monolith were mysterious. Tourists were seen jumping up and down near Border Area 51, but there were plans to lock their children into cages. Scientists are guessing that it was a mix of iron from Mars, Greenland from Andromeda, Uranus from Third Grade boys, Hoag’s Object from Pennsylvania’s Fantasy Island Book Store and Rudy Giuliani’s wig. Circinus was made from peroxyacetyl nitrate and cocaine. Earth itself was made from aluminum and fossilized dinosaur bones from the Heritage Foundation.

The monolith was dismantled by Elvis and Vegas pole dancers. QAnon reps were quoted by the Reno Satan-worshiping Weekly as saying Vladimir Putin’s Twitter account was hacked by Brad Pitt who was filming a remake in the Nevada desert of “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and the Monolith” starring Sophia Loren. Who else.