i know who u r

i know your kindness i know/ your scars i have some of those 2/ i know where you’ve been/ i know the smell of your shit/ i know your guts, and/ i know/ when you are giving up i do not want you 2 give up but it’s not up…

FireHead

I have asked the Smash Street Boys to bounce off a response I made to David Brooks in the New York Times. Brooks writes about suicide quite often. His work is excellent. This time, he is integrating the reality of AI into the examination of what makes people tick. Tick.…

Go Where U Wanna Go

I am total shit as a teacher. I can never guess where they will go next. I do know that whenever Public Health (HIV clinic) tries to invade their bodies or rein them in (literally a life and death struggle over control and who has it and who doesn’t), the…

what appears to exist

i am a very dark person/ wilhelm nietzsche was my problematic love child/ reason is impotent/ every moment in life is subject to the subjective interpretation that dominates and prevails at any point along the timeline of history which is mud clinging to a wall not a linear hierarchy or…

And Shove Toward Us

The light. Or the Darkness. Is there a choice. Or is the choice forced upon you. Mercurial. Having vanished. A full flood of blood lifts itself. Even the most overtly secluded of us can study evil in a small attention’s grace in cups. We are impotent and changed. In an…

A Vulnerability

CinemathequeFilms: Les Russes à Paris

CinemathequeFilms did not disintegrate like a melted marsh mellow grimace of 16mm film burned at the alter of my untimely demise. We never did get that license. We just kept making videos. We could pick and choose who saw them. Usually, only people who had cheered them on in France.…

After the Rape is a Slow, Lonely Death, and a Grim-Visaged Dirge

It took him a long time to understand what had happened to him. Slow. Slow. It was as if he couldn’t blink. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t do anything. Slow. Slow. Ninety percent of the boys in the developed world who have been raped multiple times will…

Except For This

except for this, i am always hanging on to stones/ i should have known better than to take a dancer home/ at least i called it a home/ someone had to/ i do have rules/ rule#1/ never ever ever ever take a dancer home unless you are completely mad/ a…

Video: Authenticity

Authenticity can be gritty, too. We reinforce children to be authentic. Unless they’re poor. Then, they just make us uncomfortable.

Midnight Playground

for quick cash there was always the midnight playground where the tricks would slowly emerge from their hiding places in the shadows and the trees the stars above you cannot be heard for the tigers and the local wolves

Tim Barrus: Jonah’s Mountain

I am amused and sustained by the idea that the end of homo sapiens’ domination of the planet will be sooner than anyone suspected. The end is irreversible now. It is too late. Many scientists know. They give voice to this reality in private. What good would blowing whistles do.…

Tim Barrus: The New York Times: Suicide

http://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/14/opinion/suicide-prevention.html?comments#permid=31069462 After they are dead, I will go into their rooms to smell them. As if to remind myself that each one is a separate individual. I put his pillow in my face and breathe him in deeply. I crawl naked into his bed. I finally sleep. The days after…

Video: We Are The Travelers & We Have Returned

We are the travelers whose empty lips have foreshadowed the wolves growling at the door. Some say the strength of twenty men. 

Video: Chinatown, Chinatown

Poetry Performance: by Tim Barrus Poetry Script: by Harrison Camera Work: Smurf I do not want to be a spy for hope. I do not believe in hope. I know this: Life sucks. I want to be a spy for crazy. It’s crazy to be in extraordinary and chronic pain.…

Video: U Gotta Have Your Own Thing

Performance: by Tim Barrus Poetry Script: by Darren Camera: Smurf Death is when you have nothing about yourself including you. You gotta have your own thing.

writing about HIV and being sexually abused

I would liquidate my body But especially my ass That is what he always wanted I had to hold still While my mind screamed Squandering depreciation A pull upon the Pursuit of extortion If I told he would kill me It was not a joke He would kill me At…

Selectively Mute

Selectively mute children are selective silent for a reason. They want us to understand the degree to which they were traumatized. So they pick a very dramatic vehicle to SHOW us (versus telling us) they mean business.

And the Prince to Hunt you Down: Post 2

This is just an experiment. That is all it is. I made it to see if I could. It is not very good. But I will keep working on my skills with video. The tech is a lot like flying. You never really know what the clouds might have to…

Driving Through a Dream: Post 1

You don’t know me. I used to be a Smash Street Boy a few years ago. I left because I had an opportunity and a scholarship to attend a flight school. I have been back to Smash Street a few months now. I am helping Tim. Trig and I are…

causing thunder

you spilling the tyranny of this contentious storm punished gave all flesh and shamed sparks the little fires causing thunder in the house https://tim-barrus.format.com/orbitlogue

Sitting On Cars by Cooper

Another Night of Whores

the fuckbucket slinks around the block not unlike the tongues of midnight in ten thousand of them creep along the sidewalks, too if only i could steal myself free of some trick’s eating of my ass i would do it like a tyrant’s vein so blue in temperament all that’s…

Joel, We R With U

Hang in there with me, Joel. We got this.

Ships Swift As Thoughts