They force me to strip naked in front of everyone. They are extraordinarily mean. That is my take. It is a toxic place. My take. Yesterday, they did it again. Why do I have to be naked. This is about my heart. Not my penis. I am absolutely in need a lawyer. If you are a lawyer out there, can you please, please help me. I’m begging you. I am Tim Barrus and I live in North Carolina. This is life and death. FB will not allow me to publish my email. I do not have much speech that is understandable, disability is a nightmare. I use a lot of tools to get around. But I am stuck with email. You could find mine through my website. It’s toward the end of the menu. Just go to my FB page and you can connect to my site where my email is listed.

My life is an open book now. It used to be private information. But a lot of yelling went on (when I refused to be naked. My take. And my information got articulated in the public hallway area. Once you go public, you are taking huge risks with discrimination. The sexual abuse part was in my chart because I saw the doctor write it. I asked them if they had even read the chart, and they said no. But it is not in my chart now. When you are using sedatives before procedure, you are unable to read the first names of the people who are pushing you to comply. So, it’s not really like you even know who these people are. These people are making me worse. Not better.

Yesterday, I had a meltdown in radiology. Their rules and regulations are intolerant. You do things their way (the entire hospital has no email. Red flag). An entire medical institution and not one email. There goes my accessibility. They are required to provide accessibility. These people should be helping me stay alive. Not assaulting me with their demands and the torture chambers they put me though. They are torture chambers. TO ME. My take. WHY are they doing this to me at the end of my life. I can’t write about my ER visit. Or how humiliating it was. If I start remembering it, I become unable to breathe. Humiliation scars are for life. This time I had to stand naked for a whole crowd of people. This stuff makes me so shaken, it’s like my heart is exploding in my chest. My take. They give you appointments for procedures and they ask for nothing they TELL you when to show up.

So how do I go to work with an entire two weeks I have to be there every day for up to five hours. Have you ever lived in a hospital. They are grinding me, grinding me down and abusing me. My take. My autism used to be private information (especially the part about being raped), it was private but not any more. I get yelled at that I have no other options. This happens all the time at Pardee. I do not feel safe there. My take is that it’s dangerous. They don’t talk about what procedures are coming, I am just expected to ask no questions (they don’t have time, and they more than a little rushed). The nurses are like the military in their demeaner. They do not ask. They order you around like you are a dog. I am neurodivergent (autistic). I am disabled. I was born that way. I have the right to accommodation like a real room. With a DOOR. Not just a curtain. I have the right to receive treatment. I have the right to not be abused. BUT ESPECIALLY THIS: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT BE HUMILIATED. I am filing charges with the State of North Carolina. And hospital credentialing. The feds, too. DOJ.

Humiliating an autistic person who had been abused before (rape) is beneath contempt. Does medical use a paradigm where they strip other autistic neurodivergent people. The radiation and dye they want to put in me when dye is a major issue in autism. A shirt with the wrong dye gives me hives and I pass out. Just like with penicillin. Disability rights are real. I am talking to the feds today. I get yelled at by nurses, and that is abuse, too. They are HORRIBLE to deal with in any way. My take. They do what they want. My take. They are unprofessional. My take. And inappropiate. I am not sure I can survive them. My heart is that bad and I am not sure I can walk through their Pardee door. I do not trust them. I have lost all faith in them. I came home and all I could do is shake. If you are disabled, listen up.

Do what you can with the humiliation issue which begins with researching legal connections for help with accommodation. I want to move but I can’t. I’m poor. A lot of you have read my work. Thank you. The feedback you have made gives me hope that these issues (especially with nurses), are everywhere. It isn’t 1532. Hendersonville still lives in 1532. I am just a guy who’s telling you to increase your awareness about this institution. I am losing my marriage because of this hospital. But I can’t mask that hard. Where I become so compliant because that is when you get abused. Pardee (my take) has a huge problem with the disabled. My take. Like forced nudity, the problem is damaging, damaging, damaging. I know no lawyer will help me. But I can’t be the compliant person Pardee demands. This will get me in a world of hurt. For writing it. But it’s not fair to let the disabled community stay uninformed. Place matters. – Tim Barrus