I been voted to be the one who would write this about our little film WHEN DEATH IS BEST. I am not a writer. Writing sucks. I can barely spell.

But I know stuff about HIV you do not know. HIV is a bitch to live with because you have to submit your whole life to doctors and they will abuse you if they want to. You are a kid. You cannot do shit about it.

No one will like this film. We do not make HIV just something that goes away. It does not do that.

But we had to make this any way. This is not Tim’s film. It is our film. We made it. Tim was the cheer leader rahrah. It is how we see this stuff. You do not know how bad our lives are. You do not give a fuck, and we are the kind of people you love to hate.

We did not put everything in the film. Like I did not say anything about foster homes and how they will abuse you when you get dumped in one like I been in 12. I ran away. I lived in the street.

It is just our experience is with HIV. It is not like we are rich gay men like the rich gay men who we see have everything. They do not eat out of dumpsters. They do not look homeless to me. They got cars. We are depressed. HIV does it.

They might be the rich ones who HIV is just a thing it bugs you. It does not define you. I know it defines us. It means going to doctors and being humiliated. We are tired of being treated like shit. No life is worth it. HIV has ruined us. Humiliated is more than we can do. We got nothing to live for. Do not write to me please. I do not want to hear from dogooders. God people stay away. Yer stupid. We are from the south so you cannot put no jesus on us. URchurch can suck my cock.

None of you can understand. You are not us. You never did no sex work. You never got raped. You never got kicked out. You never got addicted. You never got beat up or cut. You never got cig burns on your tits by your parents. You never had to be abused to stay alive and men paid you. You never been a whore.

Life is not worth it. There is nothing good about our lives. There never was. HIV just made it a lot worse. I cannot write no more. I am very tired now. I am done. This is WHEN DEATH IS BEST bc it is. — Dane

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Tim Barrus

Tim Barrus Blog

Posts tagged with boys-liviung-with-hiv

WHEN DEATH IS BEST