When you combine the emotionally damaged trick with your life and your sexuality on a screen, as you advertise your cock and your hole as available for a price, you, too, have removed yourself from the possibility of knowing anyone on an intimate basis, basically because that computer screen is where you actually live as you filter out anyone who wants to jerk you around because they have no money, while you, in your intransigence, feel a certain thrill that you have the power (like most manifestations of power, it’s fleeting and ephemeral) to accept or reject the men who want to exploit you. So you exploit them. You are thinking there is a certain justice to that.

There is no justice in life. Only time.

Those thoughts and feelings you have in creating a vacuum to seeing nothing beautiful to who and what you are, do create in you an uncertainty that masquerades as confusion whenever you are showing 25 people at a time where you shit. When you are done with the dog and pony show, you collapse and stare at the ceiling for a long time. Stop calling me when you are finished with the whore drama for the night. I can’t help you. Not until you come in from the cold. I could, indeed, show you what a real relationship is all about. It would be like banging my head on a brick wall. In fact, I don’t want to know you because I think you are utterly lost. I would be wasting my time. All of us have a limited amount of that, TimeTimeTime, and I am here to tell you you can’t buy it, you can’t sell it, you can’t find it on a screen. The youth and the looks and the attention you get on the Internet ALL disappear. I keep wondering where all the whores disappear to – there must be an island of them somewhere – everyone glued to his computer screen without the faintest idea that he is not alone.

You are not alone.

Maybe we could begin with that. How to deal with loneliness. Do something with your awareness in terms of who you really are.

I’ve seen glimpses of him. Your second self. He smiles. He laughs. He’s desperate to connect. He’s scared to death he will be poor again.

You need to listen to him.

You need to simply be him.

But I can’t hold your hand and lead you there. It is called the journey of the self. When you are ready to see your second selves for who they are, generous, loving, amused, curious, alert, giving, creative, and open to change, call me. Until then, leave me alone. What I see in this current version of who you are, is someone who is so empty, so hurt, and so fearful, he is unknowable, and I am convinced there is a lot of rage in there, and I don’t want to be punched in the gut by any of it.