You Have Blinded Me

This entire missive has been written on a phone. Kinda like as it happens because I simply cannot look people in the eye. I appear to be typing because I am writing a book and I know where all the ATMs are. If you haven’t ridden a dirt bike to a thousand dirt poor towns in the powering dirt bike rain you can only assume to be a tourist attraction. This is bad for thieves. I would shoot anyone in the head for that. The Rodent did it you would love the rodent and you know. A banana. The guy who replaced the guy with the fishes looked like a street chick Johnny because he was. But he could do this. My eyes to the sky. They sent a lot of people over here from Finland. Life. This was life. I’m going to ask you one last time: Do you know any poet who has a washing machine. No. Because they do not exist. Not one wants this job for more than fifty years, We’re the old people now,

Be nice to us.

My posted stuff is just stuff I might like, or stuff I don’t much like, and stuff I make the Stalin dark is a stature of this not quite granite because solid granite is too elegant I want something ordinary. We finally settled on it we would spray paint it. The New York Times is really pissed off this time and I see on analtics what the front of their house looks like some rich guy I see coke in that house. We declined. Coke is done with that shit. Every night. We threw our pipes out what did you expect. Donna Reed. I’m Jimmy on the Bridge. Okay, kid, your dad just jumped from the bridge because he was a selfish piece of shit to do that at all let alone Christmas. You rub your calloused worker hands over my sculpture with my blood in it, the body of the collector who feeds me and the journalst who wants to be with you so we can get high together in a parking lot behind Walmart on a dirt bike sucking on small pebbles in the river something other than polished granite. The sculpture I am making now in the back, I only work on it at late at night, then cover it beneath a sheet. Make me stop. I have no idea what I am doing.

Do you.

Charlatan.

It was easy to steal cars in New Orleans because people came home late like three. Weaving down Judge Street in that sweltering sewer heat from swamp lamps and graditude. Flowers that will eat you hand. Blood in the sewers and carriages. Eternal, wreched, remembering. I am back and got my coat. Later, I went back, and I confessed. Thet kinda put me to work right there. After a few days they had a harder time firing me because I worked harder than anyone else. In Texas, everyone knew this shit. No. not the horse, you got it, it’s a pony, no, not a pony, you fuck wits, you bought a pony and I know that pony I love that pony but what do I do with a pony in New Orleans. I was forced to steak a horse truck, the kind you sleep and fuck around in the back with Brad Pit and he goes too far there is no such thing. The light was a rogue at dawn. The juice was from somewhere else not unlike someone was blown out of the water and when did the submarines turn rogue. No ones knoes. I know. Don’t they have like bombs or are they the bombs that already hit us and missed us and went off somewhere else and and kids were walking around in pink and I hate that because my kid, socialism is a hard is a hard fall. We had translated his poetry  and when the boms flashed did that in the rain and snow, so what she could get out of it was the night we were the ones who jacked and we had to jacj some bitch jack to get home and park it in the back yard yard and shut up. They could hear us coming those Dodge stairs in the back. Jimmy Stewart never came to Vegas either. That was California. What was California I don’t want to talk about it like it was the heave nor time but time as what was the sun flares and not enough to have to remember us anywhere anywhere and how do you know. If he’s putting something into a difficult point of view and while we were stalking all the babes implants or no implants once you are in the machine, you do not come out, hide in the cannon, Shoot all of them when I reach ten. Ten.

They never believe what we know about at nightThis looks like the ruins of my high school. Texas, you did that to yourhoigh school because you brought us to the pst could have some justice applies to it like a nuclear bomb. Walking through the footsteof the old dirt road get on with me around and Shoulders drives footsteps to Dirt Bike Town. All of us in morning and paraphenalia dragging rags.     

Me, I’m dragging balls in New Orleans and if my family knew what I did to survive tonight but I cannot relitigate anything, anything of it, I am scraping out a kiving in this bottom fish barrel of a sewer that keep us in, , and I swear to you I’m taking it out.

I was there he meant it he always meant it. I listened to it all. The Cosmic Cowboy Kardshark. It’s the Old Club in San Francisco next to the Underpants I never went in there but I saw you in there one night but not anything like the night we spent in one single night. That thing in my head going off like the mushrooms are fine tonight. I was limping through put it all behind me one plastic wristbrands melt by noon. Understand there was no way anything from the side of the Homo sapiens would in a million years seldom go home stretched hardshelled comfort know that when you arrived at Daddy’s house in all mute contradiction this was the Christmans she would arrive why are you calling your little broher she. She looked at me. Okay, he’s hot. She was my sister with luminous eyes. Now, she was my brother, not the other brother, the lover one in the book. I came with a truckload of booze and peanuts. Not even beer. We must have peace but flat roads in Texas brings us wind on wings of whose father brought us hear. That is what he said. It was cold. I don’t know what it was I did not understand why was he pulling away in a neep. But why goodbyte why who needed him. It got so twisted I don’t know flat roads over bridges. They always said I am now required to build a bridge to death so the rest of us can escape this summer because we see that forgieness is an empty street. If it’s software, it’s shit software. Our softwareware got unplugged the whole thing burned do you often meet men in here. Every night. Can we go somewhere not quite so far as the windmills withhold their sons and mothers and mother’s witches no end to this no end to this. Learn to drink in the water bucket because we will dehydrate in this cell. Winter’s morning flaring in on the ace of cups suggesting there is still an edge of defiance, the Diary of a Suicide. But not this time. nI don’t knoe if I even have a family. It’s been so hard as it cannot leak through they say give it up hive what up. Milk for her children there isno milk for your children you are raining deaths into their mouths. Listen here. The tape goes on just get on the fucking bike and go before the cops find either one of you at home.

I’m sorry but it was poverty embracing. What.

Here he goes again. We respectively requested whatever Queen Rabbit of the Hole you don’t want to meet her. What hole what kind of hole why do these guys kind think it’s cowboy funny they are in it all day. Funny thare Old Cowboys Eternally in Heaven.

Oh voices darkest sublets accords death to with greed’s mortality. Sublet is a bad idea. I’m thinking airstream. People have accidents and they disappear and you know all the butchering and all the slaughter it’s all the same, all the same people, off the boats on the boats and the boats, baby are torched fat burning mommy where are their wings there has to be wings, right. From above lucidities strange desire we all be tripped out to our respective trips Remember Everything. Not living had been a demand we could put our heads in an oven and did I put up that door tape. No. The entire place is falling apert and you want it to be a school where everyone does what they fucking want which is having plays and writing musicals and learning opera in latin and being to Egypt in movie star films in masks. And what doesn’t it mean to be alive why are you here but we are usually gone gone out to tape together weeds to flood the house with maybe some of us should not be driving, but I am driving and why not without tits in the wind it’s in the software and balls out drive the motherfucking thing abandoned one small space in us without almost strangling the of of us and I just gore down into the rabbit hole Sing Joyfully. But joyfully for what. Fun times.

I don’t know I felt like a freak Smoking the the Bad Bad Daddy behind Berlinda’s Voodoo Shoppe. First it was the storm, and then it was the earthquake and the floods and I was not I was bad daddy. it feels so explosive to write it. It not only happened, but it happened every day. I did not really look at life and he hated what I was. I skepped a lot of grades and I did not go to school a lot. But I did go to a lot of schools. There had to be some good stuff. I did not know what a survivalist was. Sincerely. I thought this was just another camp. In, fact, it was. We received gun training in a trench in the ground on a variety of guns, and foundations loved us as did factory rats and I thought all of this was the normal scouts it began to creep up on me that we were meat beings for rich men and that is what had been going on for years where the highty and the mighty and the powers were mighty and the powers, powerful, and people want to know why the lot of us murdered lots of those men and it got easy to do because they were so lazy and easily distracted.

Criminals just want to get high. Most of us are And the guards at night raped us all of us and you think I made it up and that was what people we had to watch while we all just took it and why didn’t you cry. I did cry. But what if it’s true why do you think I talk this way, punk. We hated you for crying and we were going to push you out but we took pity on you, Texas. Thank you. It’s a stupid name. I will be the judge of that. You are only a voice. We are not the problem. You are. I am voice number one. You are voice number twenty-one, You have no power be gone. I wish you guys could cooperate The problem is cooperation. Torn clothes and sex work. Do you think he really goes home with torn clothes. Both of them had torn clothes because this was reality as pevasive as the gravity of the sun and as with most suns, it just gets hotter. Especially in a climate hot enough already the sun was aging faster than it was damn well supposed to and it was slow but it wasn’t that slow or slow enough to deter Asia

whose population was imploding, and the Communist Party was in total, seven unique, generals who were not friends and they were kinda close to Russia like really close. Chicken scratch the last one being, incisive. What, no voices. Or atomic nuclei heavier than up, and down, but it takes a while for down to get down much. Photons and their insiveness, split genes, and we have nutations and all of them are called cancer and no one has a rubber raft through this one it was going to take a lot of psychedelics. Okay, let’s get this straight right now. Our main base of operation is Dodge City, Kansas, and the name Texas in Dodge is like the name John in New Jersey. I only wear the cowboy hat sometimes because my skin itches if anything touches it. We don’t steal cars in Dodge. But I would keep an eye on your truck. That pony I watch. You know I want it. We could steal that truck we say and go get that pony.

Mister, you be staying right here tonight.

Did I tell you sometimes I get lost sometimes on the dirt bike because no one gives a fuck about me, and no one ever has. I do not mean to be provavative but I gues it sets something very deep in people which is all of it is art and some art is repuational only in that its reputation has set off the a lot od those kids outside the doors  

We were living in what appeared to be dump apartments above the Dodge Theater in Dodge City from which time to time I would leave and then come back to with a truckload of cash, then I have to run around a bit and dump this dump truck you never fall in love with a vehicle. I liked that jeep though. Being in a tin can is hard for me. I start rocking back and forth. It’s embarrassing and humiliating but my body does not always respond to what I tell it to do. No voice runs this dog and pony show. But somethimes Monica and I have have to check out and smoke some Jajaganga behind Walmart in town there is in town and there is dust about it. Just dust. Cows. Barbecue. A juice bar no one goes into. A bar bar. Another bar in Dodge and not the kind you dance in. The kind you carry a gun in. And a hunting knife. And when you think when I tell you that I carried both the gun and the knife to high school that I am lying. There are no public chop shops. Not the real kind. I do not linger in chop shops you take the money and go and you just don’t argue or do anything that causes a whisper of notice. If you stepped out of that demI will scratch my eyes out. I should be allergic to pigs but I’m not. Allerigic to pigs. Pigs know things. I would have shot any one of those Joe Cowboys in that high school you got the hat you got cowboy – only probably not. Dodge was far away from everything and the hide out place above the Dodge Theater had seen some thieves before. Monica does not have autism. Monia has tits.

That escalating war with El Prado. We all know El Prado. Only criminals will know what I am talking about and no fucking reader with curiosity the size of France has to know what school my ex-wife’s mother’s university was and what was her GPA. Some Joe Cowboys live and work in a slaughter house. They don’t talk about what they do which is good because I do not want to know what they do. I’m vegan. A thief vegan. It is illegal for me to write about it because there are City State Laws. Consult our nearest Lawyer. You have no evidence so we are out here on the dirt bike. Three. Of us. It’s very intimate. I am told it makes a lot of noise, but I am a communist and mass starvation and I have not healed yet. I have survived. Not always willingly. The cowboys at the Taos County Fair will grab my ass. It is not okay but I am hear to tell you that a cowboy will grab another cowboy’s ass, and it doesn’t mean anything until you know it does quite like smoke from the county fair is the smell from the cowboy trailer gulag once wide-spead pizza shops throughout Russia. Always an airstream. I want that Airstream, and I am going to get it, too. We park Airstreams, some big, some Bambi, you can launder a lot of money in something like this but the software will cost you more than maybe you have and we can’t do charity because we have to get back to the Airstreams parked in Nevada sun close to Radioactive Mountain. There’s another City State Gang that either lets you in or they just glare and spit at you. The mountain does glow at night, but the light from the radiation probably not helpful at this time.

I do not mean to be sarcastic, but satire is protected speech.

If it’s not a convertible, I can’t stand to be in the tin cane much longer or pee all over the new seat. Latd Mrs. Mary Beaver Cleaver. Sometimes it hurts so much I become this horrid bitch who wants to go to South Dakots on a bije because Monia has these tits. It only sounds deranged to you. Lord Mary Marshall Cleaver Heaver should go beyond that red line in the New Mexico sand. I am not allowed back in El Prado. But I sneak in there. Fingernails.

I can’t stand it when Shoulders plats poker with TheRodent for a week. Beian and Billy will be here tonight. Sleep on the floor in sleeping bags you know where they are we come fullt stocked, and I will you no matter what. It’s about the sculptures of Monica’s you know tits.

Try driving a another stolen truck to Scottsdale to run back again to Dodge.  With mushrooms that grow and glow in the desert outside Tusson. Tuscus was an armed camp. We always have to drive through backyards in housing projects and his tight ass It’s hard to talk to pigs because they know what’s coming. People are like that, too. Hung up on a hook and disemboweled. I only wish. My book, GENOCIDE, could be a blueprint for anything you want. There isn’t a word in that book that did not come true.

 I am looking out a window in a high-rise in New York. Next door there is a gallery called New York Times Square Big Billboard. My images are staring squarely at me because the floor I am on manages nothing else. If you want to feel like your entire life is so bizarre, no one would believe it. This is just a part of any day for me. There they were. Peter in a gag. Times Square. We are all someones child. Someone had us why are you here. It was empty. Most of the things I do are empty. People don’t get high functioning autism. I don’t care anymore.

I can sit on a fence post and stare at any random pony for twelves, twenty hours. Then, I have to pee. I can always pass. As someone who is not autistic. For a while. Sometimes, when I want it (for me “it” means the world) to all slow down, even if I am the one who started building this sculpture in the front yard, too. One in the front and one in the back. Monica doesn’t get sculpture and it’s not really a yard.

It is an opening to a forest of oak trees over 700 years old. I have cared for them for twenty years. I am old and tired now and can only wander back there in the dark because I love the dark, and I love the animals of the dark especially fox. Sculpture is work intensive. The marsupials are abundant. I know hedge hogs the size of a car. They come around on my back porch, the foxes. This is not Disney. The crows have names. They’re haughty but they like small mirrors. I smash small mirrors from Walmart for them with a hammer. Crows love me. Homo Sapiens hate me. If you knew me, the day would dawn on you that I really don’t know who you are the clots in my brain prevent a lot of things. If wishes were fishes. It’s just an oddness that sort of lingers and makes me fall down when I leave the room. Ask anyone who has ever met one. He’s odd and we have to live in here. You may leave at any time. Go away. TheRodent writes the software, your car belongs to me. There are ATMs in Walmart. No big bills. Why launder. Lander what. Then, quickly. Go. Do not run. I have two words for the voices. Shut up and wear a hat. I’m not listening to you ever again. I get to name the names. It gets me into trouble, too. I am always on the lookout for rabies. It would be so irresponsible not to be.

Armed. Coons can be plagued by rabies. You should be. Be quiet. I write on my phone on the go. Phone on the go that’s me. I only use a GoPro. Dogs rarely. Most wolves live nine years. I cannot recall a wolf attack on a human being. Bear spray is better than a gun. I have one anyway. I have had that gun my entire life and my grandfather had it before me. The animal inside the body is gone, and it is now irrelevant how the beauty of that animal thrived, and then life continued ain’t nobody who can change it, mainly. Rabies. Please come over here right away and clean my studio. Get over here right now and paint my bathroom, J. This book is punctuated with this stuff just because. Water and bridges. You don’t have a bridge to me even if I pretend you do. I don’t know how to be like you. I pretend. For short periods of time.

Don’t even say the word school. Gay. You may say gay. But don’t say school. What school. I made them a deal they could not refuse. I graduate and you don’t ever have to see me again. I once jumped from a bridge into a river. Just to see. To know. I’m glad I did that. I would die for that. To just be normal for one day. But I have to settle for this. There are others in here. I don’t remember inventing them. I. Loathe. Them. They’re very bossy. When are we going to accept the fact diagnosis is not one dimensional. It can be very eight dimensional. Do not read my physics blog. You won’t get it. I do not know how I came to read so many books on physics. You can’t get out of it. Mainly people only intuit something pretty fundamental is going on here.

I’ve been riding shotgun on the dirt bike. Shotgun with the ponies. Two of us on the bike. TheRodent has been driving me around for a while now. I see TheRodent in his helmet way below. Time to get out of Dodge again. The first car we ever stole was in New Orleans. I can hold a whole bag of groceries between us, People with autism do not hear voices. Until they do. Are they laughing. They’re laughing. They don’t like me much either. I have seriously considered putting a power drill through my head. They need me to exist, and that is their problem. More Soon. I hope, witches. We will all get published. All good stuff like the Poems of Cleapatra, and Now the Teacher Has to Read It It’s Really A Bad Idea Day, I would do it but I already have the fringed leather jacket with the long hair and the bike helmet and okay the real thing looks kinda exhausted blah what do you want. With the fringe I got kicked of school Like Genet Just Get the Fuck Out of My Sight Cocktail Hour on a train leaving New Orleans for San Francisco he got paid well I gave them money. School the fun poems are in Times Square.

THE BLOG WAS UNAVAILABLE TO ME Before. You Never Know, . WE CAN NOW WORK ON STUFF IF I CAN GET IN HERE. YES!