avascular necrosis was just the beginning/ i am now a walking, talking spare parts car lot/ vavavoom/ i could barely walk this week, and ended up in another emergency room again and again/ besides the usual, this time, there was the heart/ they will stick probes into my heart and shock it with electricity/ i cannot say i am looking forward to it/ the most obvious, ubiquitous, important realities are often the ones that are staring straight at us/ death is like being totally hosed/ you can worship life have at it/ dig in/ everything you have ever worshipped, like a vast variety of fetishes, has claw marks engraved upon it/ if i have to write a thing or take a photograph of the thing, i have to do it now/ life is a facade/ i don’t call my work fiction or nonfiction/ those are mall marketing slots of the setting in that unconscious world, obliteration/ the normals don’t like to hear it, but suicide is not a sin, it’s a decision/ one is not the other/ an ingenious mimesis of a shallow species still alive and hanging on where most other species were burned out, executed, shot, hunted down, and eaten/ by a species unable to recognize that they live in that world, too/ the default setting of imperially alone/ most suicides are a weary cynicism that will dress in any shape it’s told to wear/ banal platitudes lost in abstract arguments and inner dialogues we keep to our narrative second selves/ i call it art because i can/ what i do is art, and what you think about that holds no gravitas or terrible truths that become a mordant deadpan commentary on the badness of everyone/ call it whatever you want/ how does that make me get up from this bed and run around the room/ irony is the final polish of the boot that kicks your ass/ my chest hurts a slightly mad and shameful, obscene thinness, the cardiac ward is a sunday of theatres/ i took a walk today/ it was too soon but i am impatient/ the heart is a tyrannous, demanding thing of teeth, smart and quick among the saved/ the heart, syllable by syllable, a multitude of beings awkwardly devouring its own dull black eyes/