Guyz you are forcing me to turn to the blog. As you know Tim and I are in another city in another state. Tim is having surgery and I am waiting in this waiting room. I will never be able to forgive Mary for creating all this turmoil at this time. This was going to be the time of laying low. That did not happen and I am angry about it. I am the last person she should explain anything to. I did not know she was selling books about Tim. I tried being her friend. My calculation was that Tim was exaggerating. He was not exaggerating.

Tim cannot defend himself and he is not a historical figure. The argument that she only writes for herself is a little silly when she is selling books. I do not want to hear from her ever again. This is why I hate the Internet. Mary Scriver is obviously not someone who just wants to understand. That makes me an astronaut. She wants to rip Tim another asshole and that makes her ordinary. She has no idea what she is doing and she does not care. She seems to want what she wants and it does not matter the impact that has on anyone else. There is just no way on this planet that Tim Barrus asked her to write about us or him or about anything. There are many things in this turmoil she has caused I do not know about. But I do know that Tim would never ever ask her to write about us or about him. Tim is not always a good judge when it comes to people he knows outside the likes of us. Most of them end up on the rip another asshole list and all of them will have to get in line. You have no idea the sadness and disappointment she has caused Tim. It does not take a psychic to see she was only using him. That line is quite long.

I was confident that everything was going well. But before they rolled Tim into surgery I told Tim not to worry about anything and that it would all be okay. Tim said it is never okay and that I should prepare for an onslaught when things get vulnerable. I laughed. I am not laughing now. When Tim says question everything he means everything. Tim does not buy the clown car show where you are required to celebrate being alive. I get it even if it is not something I want to get. So of course this POV is going to piss off the gay community leaders who need to make the point that under their watch things have improved. That makes them the good guys and Tim the bad guy. Tim will say that being alive is a big pile of shit. People do not want to hear that because it puts a question mark on whether they are worth the trouble to know or be intimate with or be around. They take it personally. I used to think that they should not take it personally. I have changed my mind. They should take it personally. Tim thinks life sucks. He has even written stuff in Men on Men that uses that phrase as a title. It casts dout not so much on life but on the people in it. Most people think they are worthy to know. When you question this you will usually get a lot of sand kicked into your face. Tim has eaten dirt a long time. It is draining and he is tired.

Let us pretend and say Tim dies in surgery. What would he want us to remember the most? That would be question everything. He is the only person you will ever meet who means it. Tez might want to rip Tim another asshole but Tim isn’t really exposed much to the gay community. Tim would shrug. He would say that and a dollar fifty gets me on the bus. People can hate us all they want and a lot of people want. At this point I think you just post dumb vids that do not not mean much and see if the wind can blow over. She will always be there lurking. When people tell you they just want to know dish because they are curious you need to question it for the lie it is. They want ammunition. I will keep you updated but my advice to you is to just keep it light and haha. It would be a great way to fight back and not give gravity to any of the shit that is going to come our way and it will come. It is my opinion that Tim will fight to live even when he says question why we are here. It isn’t HIV that will kill us it is hospital food.

Hunter