I am a communist. The whole Let’s Have More Babies fetish is a hay ride I cannot jump on. Babies in poverty is so unfair. We are worth more than that. Why is slavery always the answer. Just telling me that humanity will rot doesn’t make it through the filters of all my second selves. Being in the here and now – is all I can do – and it takes power, love, apprehension, and cash. It’s the cash part that gets tricky. I have a secret. I have this terrible habit, and moral failure, because I cannot help myself from counting cards. I have no idea why I do that. It might be the money. My autistic masks do work. Ross seems to have a question that I share. I go up to people and I ask them why they are here.

Not here at church. Not here at home with family. Not here at school. Not here at work. But here. On the ground. In the trenches. And why are you here at the beginning of the extinction. People look at me like I am mad. Bring it on. Sometimes, I ask them how much money they have. We are all waiting for Godot. Ross is here (not a criticism) to immerse himself into the glow of family, god, the house of god, and a vision of where the world is going. We do not agree. But I can recognize authenticity when I see it. I just can’t share it. The reality is that my life, and the lives of many other people, get the rug pulled out from under them in that deliberate debate where icons reflect conflicts in values, yet you are alone in the here and now and drowning in the culture of hatred.