My health insurance company refuses to pay for medications that help relieve pain. They are indifferent. Not paying for pain meds will kill me and I have to come to terms with it. There is nothing about medicine that is kind. The local hospital regards me as a troublemaker and I am treated accordingly. They refuse to answer questions.

I am seriously depressed.

I don’t want to be here. My bones are dying in my body. Avascular necrosis has ruined my life. Surgical implants have only made the pain worse. I am insane, angry, bitter, and I can’t take being tortured as a “good little patient.”

The health insurance company will kick me off the policy if it can and it can. They do what they want with impunity. They are not accountable. They spit at the ACA, and I am considering simply cutting the health insurance company out of whatever life I have left

Letting happen what happens.

The people who touch me, humiliate me, and who regard me with such distain are worse than the pain from bone death.

I will never go to that hospital again. I will never see that medical staff ever again. Enough is enough.

I have fought the good fight. I put in my time. I have endured the nightmare. Now, I am tired.

I welcome death.

I travel to the tops of mountains where I sit and breathe silently. I visit oceans to listen. I turned to teaching dying kids.

I broke the rules for those children. The covenant that says life is good. I do not teach them how to live.

I teach them that dying is okay. 

https://tim-barrus.format.com/tim-barrus